towed away

i'm one of those overgrown kids who appreciates the sheer fun of watching magic shows. from the huge, elaborate mega-productions to the spontaneous, informal street magic to those colorful kiddie-party entertainments, i am drawn to performances that leave me mesmerized and speculating on the whole process of unfolding a trick. one type of trick which has particularly eluded my logical sense and intellect (which either goes to show how good the trick really is or how embarrassingly inadequate my grey matter works) is the disappearance of huge objects -- such as an elephant or a tiger or simply a long-legged beautiful lady in a sparkling costume. and i'm not referring to those disappearing acts that deal with exotic and colorful dark boxes where one has to step into -- we all know how those work. i'm talking about the simple act of making a huge object vanish -- into thin air.

one local group that's particularly good at doing this (but does not end up getting the same enthusiastic response from its audience) is the city government of makati. every month, hundreds of drivers find themselves wide-eyed and wondering as they stand on the exact empty spot where they last left their vehicles. for those familiar with this heart-stopping phenomenon, they would know to immediately search for chalk markings scribbled on the asphalt as the only clue to where they could retrieve their SUVs and japanese sedans. for first-timers, however, this experience could be truly shocking with fears of a carnapping rushing through them like the flood.

last friday night, my car was towed. before finding that out for myself though, a friend called and interrupted what was a wonderful indian meal i've been craving for for more than a week. "i just saw your car being towed," he said.

i felt incredulous at first. what were the odds of a random friend actually witnessing my car being hauled away from its behind? are you sure, i asked. are you in dela costa too? (i was parked along dela costa avenue.) by asking the latter question, i was hoping he'd reply that he was somewhere far away like quezon city or marikina, in which case he was clearly just mistaken. it wasn't more than 15 minutes since i had parked.

"yes, i'm in dela costa. i'm sure it was your car," he replied. and just for emphasis, he dictated the alphanumerics of my plates.

i was stunned. i remembered parking properly inside the box of a legal slot. in fact, the area i parked in was a usual location for me to park my vehicle whenever i was in the neighborhood. something wasn't right. i thanked him and hung up.

i had to repeat the story to my companions if only to verbalize and convince myself of the news i had just received. no, i didn't feel panicked. neither was i saddened nor afraid. i had actually experienced having my car towed before (about seven years ago) and yes, that did prove to be nerve-wracking for me. but this time, i was simply... confused. i had parked in a legal slot at a proper hour. i was absolutely sure i wasn't violating any law.

coming out of my stupor, i stepped out of the restaurant and marched down the street to verify the injustice and forthcoming inconvenience of all this. i was also secretly hoping that it was just some sick joke my friend decided to throw at me to kick off the weekend. but, no... evidence number one: i saw my friend actually standing across the street waiting for a cab. i waved at him and hollered my thanks. a few meters later, evidence number two: a towing crew was working on a pajero -- that was also parked inside a legal slot! what was going on? i approached the men and asked them why they were ganging up on the vehicle. they said it was illegally parked. i pointed at the very clear paint marks indicating that it was not. they said the vehicle was -- evidence number three -- "facing the wrong direction". WTF?! i recalled my car had also faced the same direction the pajero did. according to the accompanying cop, vehicles had to park facing the direction of traffic of the lane they were in. i mean, i've been aware of this exact rule to exist in some US cities, but this was the first time i was hearing it implemented in metro manila. i started an argument. there are no signs, i said. you have no information campaign. if it's new, you don't even have a grace period. i've been parking here for the past 5 years! i soon realized it was pointless lecturing to a bunch of men who were just doing the dirty job of hauling the cars away. i continued walking to my parking slot to complete evidence number four: my car was missing. i headed back to the restaurant where a bowl of unfinished spicy lamb biryani awaited me.

is it really necessary to tow a car that is parked in a legal slot only because it faced the opposite direction? towing vehicles is indeed a responsibility of the local government, but it has to be enforced properly and with due reason. here are some valid circumstances that would call for the need of a tow truck (and why parking legally but facing the wrong way should not be included!):

1. obstruction of traffic - when a vehicle is parked in such a way that it creates a bottleneck resulting in heavy traffic. this occurs when a vehicle breaks down and is stalled in the middle of the street (can forcibly be towed), or when a vehicle is inconsiderately parked in areas where it shouldn't be parked (no parking signs) because the passage isn't wide enough for other vehicles, or because there is a driveway.

2. hazard and emergency - when a vehicle is parked beside fire hydrants or hospital, police and fire station driveways. self-explanatory enough i suppose. also, when the driver himself requires towing services due to car breakdown, road accident or simply because he's too drunk to drive back home.

3. private property - when private individuals or corporations who have jurisdiction over an area declare the place a no-parking zone.

4. abandonment - when a vehicle has collected all the dust and grime of other vehicles that have passed by it and when the government (or complainant) has "enough reason" to believe that the vehicle has been abandoned completely by the owner.

5. ex-girlfriend's boyfriend's car - when you see the brand new car of your ex-girlfriend's boyfriend parked in an area where there are no other slots for you to park in.

other than that, a ticket should suffice, assuming that drivers have been adequately informed of the implementation of such ordinances. as it is, however, the ticketing system is not in place in metro manila -- or has not been properly executed.

so after dinner, i had a friend drop me off at the impounding yard along yakal street. i had two girl-friends accompany me to the office. i outlined the strategy we were to undertake as i had no intention of paying the full fine (which was a P1,000). since i had a pretty logical argument (on the absurdity of the violation and how it was carried out) in my head, my first approach was to debate with the officials. i wasn't expecting them to actually waive my fine. but i was hoping i could get some sort of a discount if i got my point through. if that didn't work, i told the girls to work up their charms. sometimes pretty faces and sweet talking could outdo logical reasoning. and lastly, if that also did not succeed, i asked the two to get prepared for some girl-on-girl action which should certainly get us off the hook.

as soon as we were presented to the "officer-in-charge" of that evening's towing operations, i demanded to see the regulations booklet. there is no such law, i said. the officer calmly opened an old-looking manual to the page where my violation was listed (and even highlighted in green marker!). i asked when this was put into place. and he said that it had always been in place. i insisted that i had been parking in the same area for the past 5 years with no incident whatsoever so it was not possible that this ordinance had been active for very long. he wouldn't budge or bat an eyelash. ignorance of the law may not hold in court, but it is the government's responsibility to create an awareness of its laws and regulations. i enumerated every single argument i had loaded myself with. i even mockingly asked how many violators they were able to apprehend that evening (for i had seen several chalk markings along the street where i had parked, in addition to the pajero i witnessed being hauled). and they proudly replied they had plenty. to which i responded that it was proof that a majority was not aware of such an ordinance. the city government was cheating its very own citizens. the officer started to get impatient with my bickering. i refused to pay my fine. he then said through clenched teeth that if i had any complaints whatsoever, to forward it to so and so since they had no authority to make any decisions about my concerns... i hate it when they do that. it's unfair. how else could i argue when they flip the cap of responsibility to someone else who's not in the room and I couldn't get in touch with immediately? i failed my first strategy. needless to say, i opted to no longer proceed with the other two approaches we discussed (not that my friends actually agreed to it in the first place). i ended up shelling out the thousand bucks anyway. those buggers.

so, warning to all motorists: aside from ensuring that you park at the right time at the right place, make sure that you also park facing the right direction. and since i can only be sure of this ordinance's existence in makati, it would be best to get used to the same practice in any other city you visit anyway. our metropolitan traffic system is flawed and not transparent. you have so many different cities outdoing each other, on top of having an mmda's futile attempts at governing things centrally.

now if i can only get a magician to make these stupid politicians disappear...